changing

/ 17 July 2007

When I walked into my bedroom tonight to grab a book I noticed my reflection in the mirror. It startled me. Because I saw me, and apparently I haven't seen myself for a long time. I saw a reflection that I part know and for another part is new to me. I cannot explain it any more than I hope I just did.

This morning I read this post by a dancing mermaid. Later I read this post by a superhero.  'It was in the moment of letting go that she found the ring' she wrote.

What if I let go of it all? Just for one night. Will that give me the answer? Or will it take me further away because deep down I already know what the answer is, but I'm to afraid to listen to my gut?

Someone had asked her if 'she feels it in her gut that she must do a certain thing' and told her that 'it is not really your choice'.

Be brave, splurge, let go of your words. Let them be read, let someone else have a moment like I did this morning, let someone else change. Because really, you have no other choice.

I want to write
I want to draw
I want to find my love
I want to have a family
I want to bake cookies
I want to let go
I want to help
I want to share an apartment in Helsinki 'cause I don't want to live alone.
I want to live in Finland
I want to stand on the top of that hill again and not think about not wanting to go, but know that I don't have to.

So now you know.

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