The big 23

“The only way to find your true self is by recklessness and freedom.” – Brenda Ueland

…is looming around the corner, just a few more days. I don’t think I have ever before mentioned my b-day as much as I have done these past few weeks. To be honest I don’t like to draw attention to myself this way. I even have trouble inviting people over for a little celebration, but I have decided that I should just get over it. You only turn 23 once, right?

Looking back –and this looking back thing, that seems to be inevitable in the days before you age a year, is the reason I write about this event here- I hardly recognize the girl that turned 22. No wonder really, as I was anyone but me.

A year ago I just got out of a relationship. I had ended some friendships that weren’t doing anyone any good and I quit university. All due to reasons I might or might not get into in a future post. All I want to share at this moment is that I consider those choices to be the best ones in my life so far, bar the one that made me go to Finland .

For a few months after all that drama I decided to work on my writing. I started writing for a few websites and interviewed some cool people. After a few months I sort of felt like this wasn’t it. I have always said that one can write anytime, so I put the writing life on hold. This now feels like an excuse to me, probably due to some fear of failure. I ended up looking for a job where I could work with children and started a new study. I made plans and those all seemed to exclude writing from my life.

Today I only write for one online magazine. Small event texts every week. To keep the writing going and the connections rollin’. I have been on auto pilot when it comes to my writing for some time now and it doesn’t feel right.

I love the work I do, I love the family feel of the company I work for, I love the steady income and the fact that I am studying again and I will continue all this for now. But I feel the urge to write again. To write like writing is the only way to get air into my lungs.

In the end it all comes down to this. I'm a little bit of everything. All rolled into one.

I’m me.